Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
