so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
