I cockslap morals
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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