apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
