Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
