i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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