My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
