Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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