You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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