Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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