and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
