At least make sure they are 18
Why
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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