I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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