Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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