I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize