wanna go halves on a baby?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
