Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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