I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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