I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
