my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
