He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
