First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
