i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
