I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
