dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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