i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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