the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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