Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
