I want to have your abortion
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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