they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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