Need sex. Gaining weight.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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