Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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