i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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