Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
