Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
