fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
