You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize