I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
