I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
