Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
