One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
