I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
