My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
