i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I would fuck him just for his dog
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
