Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I came so hard my ears popped.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
