he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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