oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
