We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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