You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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