I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
