I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
