hotel room ftw
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
