Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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