Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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