My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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