How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
