what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
my being single is dangerous.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
