So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
