U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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