The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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