im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
