my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
