he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
