She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
