he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
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