I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize