Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
