Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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