I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
