Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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