I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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